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Fetish Fridays gets Horny

For those of you who didn't catch it when I mentioned it on Halloween, we're continuing last month's theme this month, since I was a slug and didn't post a lot of what I had planned for October. That means we're still working on Fantasy, Scifi and Horror in November, so I get to use my Horns and Tails pictures today for Fetish Fridays. That's right, we've got tons of Horny Devils for you, and Satyrs, and Demons, and Minotaurs and... I think you can get the idea.

As always, you can click on the picture to see them full-sized on my scrapbook. For those of you that are members, the NC17 rated post will be coming up next.

Enjoy!

Satyr
art by Olaf

Alert: R Rated for Nudity and Sexual Content

( Horns and Tails )

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: 3 O'Clock in the Morning - Ike and Tina Turner

Just a few thoughts

Just a few points today:

My final grade for school posted today and I'm ecstatic that it was a 98.5% it brought my GPA up to 3.8 which is still shy of honors but not by much. I can't even begin to tell you how great it feels to be done with school.

Found a loaner Blackberry at work so I'm not without a phone this weekend. A new one's been ordered for me so it's only temporary but the poor thing is so old it has the Cingular logo on it. Hehehehe. It gets my email and I can get text and make calls so it's good for now.

Mom finally caved and signed up for a 2-year contract with T-Mobile. She's been month to month for close to 10 years. I kid you not! In that time she's paid bills ranging from $140 to $210 but wouldn't sign a contract. I could not get her to budge. Today, she finally agreed and we got new phones and added the daughter to the plan.

Tonight is family game night so we're waiting for orlando_mcnally to come home from his Poker gig to play. I should've taken a nap like I usually do. It's usually a late night.

I'm going to search for silver and green Christmas decorations tomorrow. It's a Slytherin year. If you'd like to send me Christmas decorations this year in lieu of cards, I would greatly appreciate it.

My medical benefits have gone up for next year but I had to choose the non-deductible plan. The plan I have now is $500 family deductible and we haven't even met that this year and it's NOVEMBER. Plan premium's gone up by $100 per month, at least I'm hoping it's per month and not biweekly or I'm going to have a coronary.

Off to finish plotting the Harry/Draco fic. I actually added 500 words to it yesterday! Yay me!

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Las Vegas recorded on TV

Another truth about marriage
I was looking for statistics* about same-sex marriage opposition when I ran across this precious article posted back in June. (Warning for extreme sexism and various other acts of privilege.)

The author--Sam Schulman--goes on at length about what he objects to about same sex marriage, and what he thinks marriage really is. Bolded sections are emphasis added.

The relationship between a same-sex couple, though it involves the enviable joy of living forever with one's soulmate, loyalty, fidelity, warmth, a happy home, shopping, and parenting, is not the same as marriage between a man and a woman, though they enjoy exactly the same cozy virtues. These qualities are awfully nice, but they are emphatically not what marriage fosters, and, even when they do exist, are only a small part of why marriage evolved and what it does.

Got that? It's important. He's tackling the key issue of what is marriage, which is absolutely crucial to any non-religious discussion of and why same-sex couples can't have it. Brace yourself... 'cos he hits the same conclusion about "traditional marriage" that I got, only he thinks it's a good thing.

Marriage, whatever its particular manifestation in a particular culture or epoch, is essentially about who may and who may not have sexual access to a woman when she becomes an adult, and is also about how her adulthood--and sexual accessibility--is defined.

Marriage is not about raising children, or living together and sharing resources, or being a unit in the community. Marriage is about female sexuality--and the control thereof. In case that wasn't obvious from his earlier quotes, he makes sure you understand:

This most profound aspect of marriage--protecting and controlling the sexuality of the child-bearing sex--is its only true reason for being, and it has no equivalent in same-sex marriage.

He also points out that "A same-sex marriage fails utterly to create forbidden relationships." He seems to think they are important--nay, mandatory, because, "without social disapproval of unmarried sex--what kind of madman would seek marriage?" He then goes on to talk about the "kinship" that marriage creates:

Even in modern romantic marriages, a groom becomes the hunting or business partner of his father-in-law and a member of his clubs; a bride becomes an ally of her mother-in-law in controlling her husband. There can, of course, be warm relations between families and their children's same-sex partners, but these come about because of liking, sympathy, and the inherent kindness of many people. A wedding between same-sex lovers does not create the fact (or even the feeling) of kinship between a man and his husband's family; a woman and her wife's kin.

This kinship is important to him--he says

In a world without kinship, women will lose their hard-earned status as sexual beings with personal autonomy and physical security. Children will lose their status as nonsexual beings.

That latter seems like a bit of a red herring, and he doesn't explain it well. But it does tie into some of his other points, about marriage and illicit sexuality and the importance of at least giving lip service to the idea of virginity.

Marriage, to him, is all about men getting access to women's sexuality, and since same-sex marriage turns that concept on its head, it is wrong.And he doesn't even spend much time grumbling about the "wrongness"--he's bitching about how the inevitible failure of same-sex marriage (because marriage can't survive without illicit sexuality and forced kinship) will destroy the last vestiges of men-owning-women marriage.

Umm.

Yay?

* Stats: Specifically, I was trying to find out if the opposition splits equally along gender lines, or if more men oppose same-sex marriage than women. Any relevant research info would be welcome.

This entry is crossposted at http://elf.dreamwidth.org/280002.html. You can comment there with OpenID from your LJ or IJ account. Comments so far: comment count unavailable

It's a wonder I can still dress myself

Talk about having a bad day! I was feeling achy yesterday afternoon and by 3 o'clock I knew I needed to leave the office if I was going to make it home in one piece. The aches are arthritic, I know this and I get them from time to time when the barometric pressure changes so not overly concerned but I know that if I don't get home, take some painkillers and lie down, I end up feeling like the Tin Man. Anyway, got home, took meds, crawled into bed and slept for an hour. Felt better and even got to watch the full Yankees/Phillies game (GO YANKS!) before my head started to ache. Took an ibuprofen and went to bed. Forgot that I'd left my unfinished coffee on my bedside table and fell promptly asleep.

Alarm goes off at 5:30 and my head is reeling. I can barely open my eyes in the almost black room (I keep all the curtains closed off real tight) and reach for the Blackberry to snooze the alarm. I do so, put it back in the cradle and go back to sleep. 10 minutes later, the snooze goes off and I decide that I should really just call in. Reaching for the Blackberry with one eye open, I find that I've dunked it in my coffee cup. Yes, I'm a dork! Panicked, I sit up fast which did not help my headache ONE BIT and take the phone into the bathroom where the light almost knocks me over. Migraine! Lovely! I try to dry it off with my hairdryer with cool air (thank God for that feature or I'd fry the phone) but it's no use. I can still hear a bit of the coffee swishing around inside. Dammit!

I try to wake my daughter up (as it's now past 6:10 and she needs to be at the bus stop by 6:30) and find she's in pain too. Lower back, beginnings of a UTI. She's had so many of them we can diagnose her without medical intervention, I kid you not. No fever but achy. I go back to my bed, wake hubby to help her and explain that I have to e-mail my bosses and let them know I won't be in today. While he helps her get into the bathroom and take a shower (usually helps her muscles that atrophy from her trying to adjust in her sleep to avoid the pain) I e-mail my bosses and the Telecomm lady to let know that the 3rd Blackberry I've had in 2 years, needs to be replaced AGAIN. Thankfully, she's got a sense of humor and knows my pain so she just laughed and said she'd order me a new one.

Thing is, I don't have another phone. Hubby uses my T-Mobile phone and he decided to ~~pick up a gig~~ go play Poker during the day so he's off doing that while daughter and I are at home, achy without a phone. At least, I can e-mail people and post LJ entries like this one.

I swear some days I wonder why I even bother rolling out of bed!

And for those who need to know how to salvage your wet phone,

enelya_oronar sent me this DIY link. Which I hope helps. Blackberry's submerged in rice can right now.

Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: Aquarium tank

The Worst Possible Crime?
In an airport recently I found a discarded newspaper. Bored, I flipped through it. I noticed an article from one of the paper's writers, which begins with an account of something that happened a few years ago where a little girl less than a year old arrived at a hospital with nine broken bones--injuries presumable inflicted by her abusive parents or guardians. Then I recalled one of Western society's most cherished cultural memes, that child molestation is the Worst Possible Crime. With time to kill, I started thinking...

Later when I got home I did some research. A few Yahoo and Google searches revealed:

"child molestation, the worst possible crime", courtesy of a religious man
"worst possible crime, (molesting a child)", relating to Michael Jackson
"the worst possible crime you can imagine", regarding a case of incest.

Oh really?

I am glad people do not normally have to make a decision like the one I am about to setup up as hypothetical situation, but the answer people give, or their inability or unwillingness to even answer, will be every bit as telling.

You drop your 9-month-old daughter off at her babysitter's home and you head to work. Suddenly you start seeing stars and passout. You awaken bound to a chair in a room with eerie lights and with two buttons within your reach, labeled "A" and "B". A voice then presents the following to you.

Press button A: Your babysitter's brother, visiting from out of town, will find himself alone with your 9-month-old daughter for 15 minutes today. He will remove her diaper, rub the tip of his penis over her genitals while masturbating, ejaculate, wipe up his semen, lick you daughter's genitals for a few minutes, then replace her diaper. You daughter will fuss briefly during this time, but the man gives her her pacifier and talks sweetly to her, calming her.

Press Button B: Your babysitter's brother, visiting from out of town, will find himself alone with your 9-month-old daughter for 15 minutes today. Annoyed by her crying, he yells at her to be quiet. When she does not, he starts to take her out of the room, but she spits up on him. Enraged, he throws her across the room and she bounces off a table, screaming. He then kicks her hard while screaming "shut the fuck up!" Two hours later you receive a call from the local hospital that your daughter has been admitted and that you should come immediately. You arrive to find she has a fractured skull, collapsed lung, and several other broken bones.

If you do not choose within 30 seconds, the choice will be made for you at random. Which do you choose? Is child molestation really the worst possible crime?

A Book is a book is a book

As many of you know, I've made the leap from print books to eBooks for my reading pleasure ever since I got my iPod Touch. I love reading eBooks and, like many out there, find that I can read them faster in electronic format than I can in print. I don't know why really. It should be the same regardless since it's the same number of words, the format is just different. I, of course, expect to pay a lot less for an eBook than I would pay for a print book and with the number of books I buy per month and the state of our finances right now, eBooks are much more affordable.

Yes, there's the debate over sharing eBooks and DRM and all that crap that, to be honest, annoys me to no end. Everything we do and are able to do with Print books should be made available in eBooks and dammit, if I want to swap books with my girlfriends, I should be able to do so at whim and as many times as I want. 9 times out of 10, my girlfriends go out and buy a book they share with me, so I don't see what the big fuss is. Okay, climbs down from her soapbox on that topic.

Anyway,

winnett made a comment (thank you darling for getting my brain going) in an earlier entry of mine about wanting to hold a book in her hands if she's going to pay for it and it got me thinking... so... a poll!

View poll: eBook or Print Book?

Current Mood: cheerful

Ravenous Romance and NaNoWriMo
I know many of you are participating in NaNoWriMo this month and some of you may even think to submit your work for publishing (yay!) so I thought I'd share this link with you.

As seen on

elisa_rolle's journal:

Get your NaNoWriMo work published at Ravenous Romance

Last year more than 100,000 writers participated, and every year one or two of them get published.

We'd like to increase the odds.

Ravenous Romance novels are 50,000 - 60,000 words. We love finding new writers. So, we'd really like you to write a 50,000 word novel for RR.

Although we publish just about every category of erotic romance, our readers are anxious for more M/M/, paranormal and menage. We'd love to see more science fiction erotic romance, or what we cal Futurotica. And, of course, we always love good contemporary and historical novels.

Our guidelines are up on our website: http://www.ravenousromance.com/images/stories/ravenousromancesubmissionguidelines.pdf

So, from Dec. 1 until New Year's Eve, send us your completed NaNoWriMo erotic romance, and if we think you're good enough, you might win a contract, as well as a $200 advance. Your novel will be published in 2010. Should your work be chosen, we'll interview you on the RR blog and the RR Ning, so you can share your story.

Should the submissions merit it, we'll give out first, second and third place awards, but every novel published will get the $200 advance.

We're looking forward to publishing your NaNoWriMo novel!

Send completed novels, with an outline and a author bio, to: submissions@ravenousromancecom."

Ravenous Romance is a publisher of e-books and audiobooks led by three longtime publishing professionals who see digital publishing as the new mass market. They launched www.ravenousromance.com on December 1, 2008 and have published more than 200 novels, anthologies, and short stories since. Ravenous Romance produces and sells the “Escape with Romance Collection” of trade paperback novels exclusively on HSN, and has licensed print rights to many of its other titles to traditional publishing houses.

Current Mood: busy

Yea, though I walk through the valley of instant coffee...
Okay, so one of the topics suggested to me was my coffee addiction. Yes, I'm completely, obsessively, unhealthily addicted to coffee.

My name is Minnie and I'm addicted to coffee!

I suppose the trouble started at an early age. When, still in my diapers, I would wander into the kitchen, hold my hands out to my mother and receive a bottle with coffee-flavored, sweet milk. Yes, I could easily blame my mother for starting this path that led to midnight coffee runs to the hospital, where coffee is free in the cafeteria. I'd knock over coffee stands just for a fix. And on those rocky nights, where I'd try to kick the habit cold-turkey, rocking myself in the corner, sweating and panting for a sniff of roasting java beans, I would cry out for help, asking the gods of decaf and caffeine-free drinks to just end my misery. To end my suffering and deliver me from the path of mocha-java unrighteousness. I cried out to the Bustelo gods and prayed... prayed the 23rd Psalm.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of instant coffee and day-old decaf, I shall fear no evil. For my Bustelo is with me. Thy creamer and thy sugar comfort me. Thy preparest a coffee cup before me in the presence of my decaf enemies. Thou annointest my espresso with sugar. My cup runneth over. Surely mocha latte and double-caf espressos shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of Bustelo forever. Amen.

Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Erase - MIKA

My mother woke me Up *insert the tears*
So yea, I'm a awake but a but grouchy. Both my mom and my dad have very early morning exercise and be at work schedules. I'm glad that they're exercising and not letting their lack of weight loss put them off their diets or exercise routine. I don't mind being vaguely awake and aware of those grumblings when they're moving around. I don't really mind when they call out to talk to me and make me fully awake either but I can't fall back asleep and when they leave I'm just tired and grouchy with nothing to do

It's all good, I'll drink tea later and life will pick up.

As a side note now that my facebook picture hunt addiction is over and my try to revive the insanejournal has proven it's not enough (can only post so often, sometimes I have nothing to say, not committed enough for a nanowrite, and can only respond to some friends and coms) I am addicted to facebook apps. I've got cafe world, farmville, fish town, and happy fish. I have others that I tried and just didn't make it to the temp addiction phase. So yeah I'm a little lame.

Moved around all my icons again. Since I only have about 100 free slots whenever I plan a massive update I delete a few I'm not using and add in the newbies. Sometimes i have more space at the end of the swap around. My fannish icons are getting less and less these days but I think that's because I'm not participating in the fandom as much as I should/thought I would. Need to find some Dollhouse and Fringe groups stat.

In other related notes, I've been slowly backdating old journals I never posted because I didn't have internet and journals I wrote by hand. While going through my Senior high school journal I realized that beyond being pretentious and righteous and a know it all I sometimes had interesting thoughts and connections, but there's a lot of muck to rake through first.

Also thanks to my backdating, all my Wyoming journals are off the first page of my journal. There's more in between I should type in but I'm stuck at a particularly angsty journal I don't want to write in or look at again maybe ever. C'est la vie.

Finished my application for an educator's liscence. Hopefully the second set of tests will be worked up and graded soon and I'll have everything I need to start applying for jobs. It's not an ideal time to hunt but we've all got our crosses to bear on that front. Minimally tutoring of some sort should be approachable.

WriSoMiFu
I joined

wrisomifu.

I am writing Little Brother fanfic. Because the half a dozen WIPs I already had, just weren't clicking.

When I get this done, I'm going to strangle my muse.

This is one hellishly ass-backwards way to learn Morse code.

This entry is crossposted at http://elf.dreamwidth.org/279339.html. You can comment there with OpenID from your LJ or IJ account. Comments so far: comment count unavailable

What to write, what to write!
Okay party peoples... I need topics to write about this month and well... I'm drawing a complete blank on what to say. I've been away from real blogging for so long that I've forgotten how to get the bicycle going again. Help?

What would you like me to write about? Remember that these posts are public and well... young eyes, like those of my children could stumble across the posts so they need to be PG-13.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Angel - Jack Johnson

Just 24 hours left to get your Oz Magi wishes in!

Monday night at nine pm EST is the cut off, so if you've been putting it off, this is your last chance to make your wishes, so get busy! Remember, you do not need to fulfill anyone else's wishes in order to make your own requests. Just promise to be an enthusiastic commenter to those who do the writing and artwork. Which is a pretty excellent deal, if you ask me.

For those of you who don't have a Live Journal, don't worry, you don't need one. You can sign up with just your name as long as you leave Rustler a valid email with which to contact you.

Here's the link to the rules and sign-up post, so go on over, and sign up now!

Oz Magi Sign Ups

Now I have to decide what I want to request. This is always tough. And for some reason it seems even tougher this year. Jeez...what to do, what to do...

~

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: The Oz theme song - Huh!

One more day
Tomorrow is the last day of classes. No more staying up till 2 AM finishing a paper. No more telling people that I can't get together with them because I have to post to my classroom by certain time. No more lugging my laptop to family functions to get my homework done while the kids play in a pool. No more hiding behind my schoolwork to have a life again.

That's going to be scary.

For the last year, I've had a reason to be a hermit and I quite enjoyed it, to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to being active in fandom again, to write again (OMG I THINK MY MUSE JUST ORGASMED AT THAT THOUGHT) and spend time with friends and family. I'm just scared that I won't have anything to say. That I'll be uninteresting now that my brain's full of idiotic facts and research material no one is interested in.

Oh well, I'll figure it out, right? I'm just glad to finally be able to say, I'm a college graduate. In about six weeks, I'll have my degree in my hand and hopefully, a graduation to attend. Yeah baybee!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Kids playing Halo 3

Have a Smutty Halloween!

I got stuck doing the candy giveaway part of the day, and didn't get to post these until late, but hey, what else is new, right? If I posted them on time, you'd think there was something wrong with me. I've been on an extended mope lately, and didn't actually do much this month, so I'm extending the Fantasy, SciFi and Horror theme into next month. Hopefully, you'll get a chance to see all those pics I wanted to share with you, after all.

But for today, it's the Halloween pics. This bunch is heavy on the women, as usual - but the NC17 rated post coming up next is heavy on the men, so it all evens out in the end. I'm trying not to duplicate the last several years worth of Halloween pics, so there are some great ones I didn't use this year - if you're interested in checking them out - here's a link to the old posts - The Halloween Tag. As usual, click on the pictures to see the larger sizes.

Enjoy!

Halloween Pin-Up
art by Elvgren

Alert: R Rated for Nudity and Sexual Situations

( Trick or Treat! )

~

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little girl like you....

NaBloPoMo 2009
Well, I will be participating in NaBloPoMo again this year. Haven't done so since 2007 and well... I miss it. Hopefully I'll actually complete it this year.

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Phillies/Yankees Game 3

Since last Samhain
In the cold and dark, we mourn those who are gone from us, and cherish the memories of their lives. Among those who have died since last Samhain, these are some whose works touched my life, whose presence in this world I will miss. So it goes.

( 25 people, listed in chronological order of their deaths )

As I step into the new year, I remember those who've shaped my past years, and try to understand how the world will be different without their voices, their actions, their lives. May Hecate guide their souls this night as they are remembered, and release them to wherever they belong next.

So mote it be.

This entry is crossposted at http://elf.dreamwidth.org/279155.html. You can comment there with OpenID from your LJ or IJ account. Comments so far: comment count unavailable

Awesomeness
So I passed the math portion of the teacher's test. I don't know about the English junk yet as it's a new test and they hold on to it forever, but hey the math part is good and that was the part I was worried about. Go me!

Put this on the list of things I Do. Not. Get.
My brother is a terrible writer, as I think I mentioned last week. It's not that he can't write, but he needs some one on one focus and some very specific but simple training. All of that is ok. He and I are working on it and I really think he could be in gear for the limited writing he'll do in college with an engineering major.

I suppose I should say that he and I were working on it. My mom took over, partly because Kyle wasn't smart enough to plan so that I could really look at the work and partly because she doesn't like when others are in control of what's hers .

He has rolling admissions and someone needs to push him through this. He couldn't or wouldn't do it on his own. She might have just felt like she had some momentum left after Kyle needed her to look at the common app and pushed through. I don't really know.

What I do know is that she stopped being "helpful" to the cause yesterday. She's fine at correcting but she doesn't get the kind of one on one detail work that needs to be done. She doesn't get that because you can correct it all in one draft doesn't mean you should (not if you want Kyle to pull something from the mess anyway). She doesn't get that oral correction is like you never did anything. She doesn't get that even written corrections just don't get translated over to the paper because Kyle can't copy word for word and he's so unsure about his work and his own instincts he won't correct stuff in the essay that doesn't make sense to him because he knows that's part of what you wrote down so the not making sense bit is all in his head.

Basically she doesn't get that beyond coaching Kyle in writing and compensating for some of his learning disabilities, I'm coaching him in confidence and doing my utmost to make sure that he understands, can do what I did, and feels good about where he is and the progress he's making. It isn't easy and I don't lie to him about anything. If it's bad I say so, but the trick is not to belabor that point. I tell him we all come in at different starting points and there's nothing we can do about where we start, we can only do something about where we move to. I always stress that we can move this to A work The piece is going to finish strong. I focus on the improvements from last time how he stopped doing x and that was great or I could tell he understood and really worked to keep tense together. To be honest how he picks up and integrates what he understands is very promising.

Anyway, my mom has been yelling for two days and it's getting more insulting and personal each day. We all know she has her limits and snaps. We all knew she'd already broken down on this issue once and was therefor more likely to go crazy over it a second time.

I don't get it. I don't understand what she thinks she'll accomplish yelling at Kyle telling him he's stupid and he can't do the work and his attempts are pathetic. I don't get how I can sit and explain what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and point to some positive results and she can still come in and shit on it all.

I don't get what Kyle was thinking when he didn't jump on this after the first time she went ape shit crazy. I know how demotivating she can be. I know she can shake you in a lot of cruel and hard ways. You know I get the hesitation and I get that the quality of work is going to be less than it was before because now you're shaky. I don't get not trying to dodge all the abuse and crazy you can.

I don't get the whole deal.

It's somebody's birthday...

As usual, I'm crazy late, since it's been Ozsaur's birthday all day long. But the sentiment is what counts, right? So here's to my favorite beta, and dearest friend... I love you, Stacey!

This last picture had to go under a cut, since it's a bit on the smutty side...if you're under eighteen, DON'T LOOK! (If you're under eighteen, what the hell are you doing on my journal, anyway?) *g*

( Happy Birthday, Ozsaur! )

~

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Today is your birthday...

Got Recs?
I'm looking for fanfic.

I've been reading

thete1's DC fic like crazy, and found some that hit hard & deep, just the kind of angst and headgames that's going to leave tracers in my mind for years, and parallels a little too closely some RL stuff going on, and also I'm surviving on 5-6 hours sleep/night right now (which is terrific for reading DC fic, usually), and... I'm feeling a bit battered and raw. In a good way, and when I'm a bit more coherent, I'll send her feedback, 'cos she needs to know (if she didn't already) that some parts were just perfect...

Except, um. Ow. (The story is "A Way So Familiar." Consider this an unfinished rec.)

So I'm looking for something... lighter. Fluff, I suppose. Except I might not be able to tolerate some types of fluff. Point me at something where the characters aren't hurting for all the possibilities they can't have.

( Details behind cut )

Halloween Post Because I Can
My mom and I have been talking about this Halloween party we're putting together since September. It's really very sweet that she's trying to share my enthusiasm and general need of this holiday. Its the one Christian holiday that was never ruined by some sort of whatever junk that's tainted all the others. You know all that junk that's covered them which generally result in me having a bunch a panic attacks and nervous break downs and general freak outs as they come closer.

I mean my connection to this one holiday in the most secular of views is probably one of those big subconscious things that tipped the scale in favor of some neo-paganism classic where I can celebrate Halloween as a big party. A culmination of last year and a clean start on the new year. Beyond the party and the food and all that I'm really trying to focus on that last bit. I need a new start. I need to let go of what I'm carrying and reconnect with some of the good energies and things that I used to sense so naturally. I thought that I could do that without a mile marker, but since I can't, I'm hopeful that the little addition will help.

Anyhow, I'm cooking for a party this year. My brother and his little friends are coming over. The food is mostly weight watchers friendly because I really do want to help my mom with her diet. I want to rent out the Rocky Horror, Evil Dead, and Rosemary's Baby. All classic movies Kyle and his young friends have missed that just need to be remedied. I'm not really a Rocky Horror fan, but I don't think my prejudice should stop peeps from seeing it. After all I'm not a Monty Python fan either so what do I know about great cult classics.

Got food shopping and movie renting and class and work all on the horizon. Ta.

Brainz, I haz dem nawt
We're into week three of Up At 5:30 Ayem to get Kidlet #2 to school on time. I feel like I've settled in for a siege.

There's a cheese slicer next to the computer. (I did remember to put the cheese away. The crackers can wait.) Two plates to my left, with a fork on top; I assume they held dinner at some point. Dunno when; it wasn't last night or the night before. Didn't eat dinner last night, and Sunday we had pizza.

The printer still isn't connected to the spiffy new Vista computer. I am terrified that the drivers for it won't work. Also, the printer's been low on ink for, um, months, and likely needs new ink before it can print. Printer is ancient; it worked on Win95. Still haven't installed all the software I had on the old computer. Also, Vista slows down at odd times and I have to figure out what it's running, and then fret about whether I can safely close processes I don't identify. (I generally don't bother. They seem to be system processes. Mem-expensive ones.)

Cable has deteriorated badly. We need to switch. I'm leaning towards Dish Network; anyone got better things to say about DirectTV? We live in a very urban area, if that matters.

Kidlet #2 wants a "lightning spirit" costume by Friday. This, apparently, involves white, yellow, silver, and shoes that light up when you walk on them. Fortunately, she has that last part. Kidlet #1 is too old for Halloween costumes that you wear to school. She will be wearing a t-shirt with skulls on it.

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My introduction
Hi, everyone! I'm Amanda. I just joined up with InsaneJournal yesterday, and am still getting the feel for how things go around here. I'm new to this site, but am also something of a veteran at blogging. While I knew that IJ existed before now, I never really got interested in joining up until recently. Anyhoo...it's nice to meet y'all, and I'll see you on the boards!

Current Mood: chipper

Spam E-Mail
If you received an e-mail from me asking you to click on videos from a website called woome.com please do not click on the links. I clicked on a link I received from a friend in my Facebook inbox and it ended up taking me to that website and hijacking my gmail address book.

It's a hook-up site or something like that.

I'm so sorry if this message has gotten to a few of you too late. I tried to send out an e-mail last night to everyone in my address book when it happened but I'm sure I missed someone.

Current Mood: anxious

I keep having nightmares and vivid dreams. I wake up and for a few brief seconds I expect to be in Wyoming and then I remember my life and that part sucks almost more than the dream. Zac and Jeff run rampant in my dreams always starting off as people I'm happy to see and turning into people I hate or hide from or am emotionally wounded by. When it's not them it's about strangers abducting me and horrible things happening. It's always winter in these places. I hate it all so very much. I always wake up tired and sore and wishing I could still be asleep even if I'd be back in those dreams. At least the dreams aren't real.

Jeff is gone to Indonesia and I never said good bye. I've been dog sick and busy with work and Kyle's paper stuff. I think there's a chance I can get him to write an essay on his own and I'm not screwing it up. Plus I don't know if I'll ever want to talk to Jeff again. I don't know if I can stomach all the pushing for something more something I'll never want.

I've written and thought about why I hate Jeff's advances now when before I felt similarly. Before Jeff was the best boyfriend I'd had. It was easy to still be interested in him when my current bfs didn't have what he had and didn't have and qualities that filled the void.

Zac filled the void. He's not like Jeff in the least, but he's a complete package. I was with him for so long and appreciated the consideration and thought he offered so much how could I go back to someone as selfish or self centered as Jeff.

I know Jeff believes he terribly considerate to me, and how he acts towards me compared to the world at large is considerate. I've lived with more though and I'll always want that now that I've had it.

Beyond the whole comparison of exs though, Jeff exists on a completely different thought plain than I do. That wasn't the case even months ago, but letting go of a dream and a lifestyle and choosing something else that still nebulous and unknown has completely warped my outlook.

My aura color is altered. Kathleen and I have argued the positives and negatives of it, but it comes down to the fact that I don't just feel like and an altered being, I am an altered being. How I think what my focus is the way the world looks is all different.

I've finally had or taken the life changing experience that people talk so much about for college essays and all that. Odd.